Bucket list #20: Befriend a stranger.

I have this other nonsense thing on my bucket list, which is to introduce myself to a total stranger. No friendship coming out of it or anything like that. Just walk up to a total stranger, introduce myself and make the person feel like an important part of my day.

So I found this cute little girl, very excited about life. She was with her aunt and I walked up to them, said hello and asked for her name. She immediately jumped into my arms and wrapped her arms round my neck. Children are simply amazing right! Started conversing with her aunt and within 30 seconds, the vivacious bundle in my arms planted four kisses on my cheek in quick successions like she had known me all 3 years of her life. I found myself hugging her tight and saying ‘I love you too’. I have a feeling she would forget all about me within the next 1 minute, lolol! But I will definitely not forget her anytime soon.

So, there is this guy at work, a supervisor, not one of us mere mortals. He minds his own business, doesn’t go around gisting with this one and that one, and worse, he carries on with this air of ‘I get wife for house, don’t get it twisted’. With cute little girls, introducing myself is easy-peasy, but adult-male…a totally different kettle of fish. Plus I definitely don’t make friends with people that have built a fortress of force field around themselves. So, this is going well out of my comfort zone. Plus with the whole ‘oga‘ thing and his attitude…if I walk up to him and he shuts me down…I won’t be able to recover o and there will be trouble in paradise.

Most days that I go to work in the last four weeks, I’ll tell myself today is the day I’ll do it. But it always, always never ends up being the day. I will always find an excuse, I either convince myself his force field is extra high that day or he looks really busy or something equally cowardly and I’ll tell myself the wise thing to do will be to respect myself and face my face. There was a day I kept psyching myself to do the deed, and successfully got myself to head in his direction only to take a detour when I almost got there…eeeeshh…you see ehn, rejection isn’t good for my skin tone. And all the scenarios that kept playing out in my head ended with him shutting me down…and he sorta looks fearsome too *in my own defense*

Couple of days ago, I definitely didn’t plan to do it that day. But it happened that he was around and it was weekend, few people on the work floor. If he shuts me down, few people will witness the downfall of somebori. So I figured, what better day to get this over with right. So on my break, I walked up to him and…

Me: “Hello”  He turned in his seat to face me.

Him: “Hi”

Me: “Please do you have a minute?” He sat forward and gave me his full attention.

Yasssss! score one for Gatlinmay!

Him: “Sure”

Me: “So I just want to introduce myself to you, my name is ******, I’m with ***** account over there”.

He positively looked confused. The look on his face seem to mean ‘Who is the crazo and what is the point of all the story’. At least that’s what I thought the look meant. So, I knew I had to explain myself.

Me: “Okay, I have this things on my bucket list, I am supposed to do stuff I don’t normally do, this time introduce myself to a total stranger, I am very new here and you are a supervisor which makes it all the more scarier for me”

And then he gave me a beam of a smile, nodding with understanding. *aaawwww, isn’t he the sweetest* #eyescrossed

Me: “What’s your name”?

Him: *says his name* “Nice to meet you”, reached out to shake my hand.

Me: “Nice to meet you too and thanks!”

And with that I sashayed back to my desk feeling like I just kicked a rhino in the nuts and got away with it. *Fireworks going off*

Funny, I was supposed to do this to make the other person feel awesome yet I was the one who ended up with the awesome feeling. On the flip side though, he might have also felt awesome but I didn’t ask so I might never know. I realized that the most amazing things we can do are the scariest for us. And really, my fear of failure was all in my head.

We can only fail as many times as we never tried.

“Then He said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand’, he stretched it out and it was restored to normal” Matt 12:13

When Jesus gave this guy the instruction, it was for the guy to do something that was actually impossible. He could have said ‘Oh, actually, that hand doesn’t work, it won’t stretch out’ But he didn’t…he chose to agree with Jesus that it could be done and that was when the miracle happened! It got me thinking about all the plans on paper, the sketches of amazing designs, the blueprints that can change communication systems, the promises to self, the equations that can create alternate sources of power…etc, that never got to see the light of day, simply because of fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of losing, fear of getting shut down, fear of being told it’s not good enough. So what if we are rejected? Like Taylor Swift said, shake it off. And try again.

Wedding would-rather-haves

When it comes to planning weddings, a lot of seemingly minor but important details get swept aside for things like food, party favours, aso-ebi etc. There are some things that cannot be done-over, weddings are one of them. Even for most people getting married again, it is often not as grand or hyped as the first one. So usually you will want to get it right the first time. For most weddings, there is a lot of emphasis on decoration of the reception (which one concern you concern the dress the chair must wear???), bouquet, the height and width of the wedding cake (some cakes don’t finish until the 5th wedding anniversary), the groom’s bow tie etc. I know that wedding gowns get lots of attention, yet I wonder why lots of brides end up looking like ‘Moladun-kenke, something is just often off about the gown, either the bustier is too tight or too loose or the dress length is off. Or you look at wedding photos and find yourself in some shots scowling or baring teeth and fangs at your groom or mother, and wishing you were not a bride-hulk on the said day…

I remember being at a friend’s wedding. As one of the closest friends, I was with her right from her dad’s house in the morning to the wedding reception. This wedding was one of the grandest ever, the bride had about seven days of beauty treatment, eating special meals to bring out her beauty, the wedding clothes were all imported, the venue was top of the range, you know, the works. The glitch in the beautifully planned day was that the reception venue was not completely decorated in time, hence the wedding didn’t start in time and as the seconds ticked by, the ravishing Miss Bride became increasingly agitated and unhappy. When it was finally time to go, cameras were ready, posh car was waiting and running, this smashing bride stepped out with a frown complete with an unhappy pout. I took a look at her and glanced at the camera guys going on with their jobs. I remember thinking hey, this is going to be on record for life. I stopped her and reminded her that she’s on camera from here on,she’s got to put her annoyance aside and plaster a very happy smile on her face. All the expenses will be for nothing if she came off looking like runaway bride. And I think she immediately understood cos, what do you know, out came the sun!

Do you ever feel like wishing you did certain things differently for your wedding? Or you are planning your wedding and worried about missing certain important minor details? I put together a list of little things we often dismiss in favour of party things, following the aso-ebi band wagon to show off instead of actually stopping to think of yourself and your partner, what you really want to remember your wedding day for. In my own little opinion, here goes.

1. The bride’s and bridesmaid’s dresses: One of the things that scream ‘class and taste’ at any wedding is seeing the bride walk down the aisle in that gorgeous dress that will remind the groom why he chose that woman. Don’t buy dresses based simply on dress size, make sure you specify to your designer your height, waist size, bust size etc. It’s your dress, it’s your wedding and it’s your cash. Same goes for the bridesmaids’ dresses. If the bride’s dress is on point and the bridesmaids’ ain’t, it ruins the look of the wedding dress. These are the two that really have to mesh, not the wedding gown and the groom’s outfit as most think.

2. Wedding garters: I am mentioning this specifically because they are quite intimate, something to anticipate removing by the end of the special day, that secret just known to you and your partner. The beauty is the fact that it’s so traditional. And of course it represents something new and something blue *wink*

3. The glass toasting flutes: I daresay that first drink that is so symbolic at weddings should be extra special, not some hurriedly poured drink in a glass cup. Have some toasting flutes customized for you and your partner. It will be a special reminder of not just the wedding day but of the promises made that day. For added punch, get a special reserved label to go with those flutes, something for just you two.

4. Party favours: Folks, I beg you by the mercies of the Holy One, stop with the wedding jotters! And the pens, the dustpan, plastic fans etc, stop, stop, stop! You want to have classy party favours that your guests will continue to enjoy the pleasure of yeeeaaaaarrrrs after your wedding. Party favours is the couple’s way of thanking their guests, yeah, but I don’t think I want anybody thanking me for spending 15k on aso-ebi, 5k on bridal shower and 7k on trip, by giving me white handkerchief and one yellow dustpan *rolling eyes* If that’s the case, don’t bother thanking me, consider my efforts a friendly gesture.

5.  Wedding memory book: Memory books are like diaries for your wedding. Have guests sign them as they arrive, if they can come all the way for the ceremony, they should be able to make out time to stop at the entrance to pen in their names and best wishes. This will give some people the opportunity to say all sorts of amazing things about you (…let’s hope) and best of all, you can always bring that book out on your 25th wedding anniversary and reminisce. FYI, you might also want to write in some memorable events of the day.

6. And lastly, the location: The location of your wedding is as important as your honeymoon. A crappy location can reduce all your efforts to nothing. Outdoor weddings are beautiful especially in the evenings or at night with the starts shinning down and the cool breeze…*sighs*. That is if your wedding isn’t in July/August or December/January.

photocredit-buzzfeed.com

Most people say it is the marriage that counts and I totally agree. But that is not to say you are not entitled to having wedding memories that will last you a lifetime. It’s really not about the size of your wedding party. If there is something you wished you had done with your wedding please do share with us. Thanks for sticking with this to the end.

All pictures are from jjshouse.com, an amazing website for wedding clothing and accessories.

Bucket list #5: Online dating

You wonder why that is the first thing on my list I decided to knock off right? Well, worefa.

Like I mention in a previous post, most of the things on my bucket list are things I am completely scared of or things I totally will not be caught dead doing. FYI online dating is one of those things I strongly think is extremely risky and only for desperate people. Imagine my surprise when I went online and found really hot, young people on dating sites. Not just hot, young people (male and female) but people who are also quite successful (except they are fibbing about their financial status sha o). So, lesson number one, it appears that online dating is the new way of dating *still very confused on that*. You know the way online communication is the way to communicate now, like you are out with four or five of your friends and y’all palming your phones and clicking away, having little or no conversation with each other… Anyways, I back to the subject.

So I perused online, basking in my new found knowledge and wondering to myself if this is why I’ve been jonesing. Have I been deluded into expecting to just meet a guy, have him walk up to me, introduce himself or whatever, make me fall in love with him, have enough children to start our own football team and live happily ever after….? Oh well…so I went on and created a profile on one I thought is safe enough. Then the first big shocker. I have to pay almost 40k ($240 thereabouts) to access full features! THAT WHAT HAPPENED! AM I PLUCKING MONEY OFF TREES! In the words Yemi Alade, See me see wahala! Mbanu, not possible at all, at all. Abeg, with all these numerous dating sites? Off I departed to another online world of hot, single, available men. And the same thing happened. Wait, do they really expect us to pay this much to meet people online? In another news, are all these hot, young people paying that much to meet people, to date people??? I was perplexed then and I am still perplexed now.

Aaannnyyyways, I sha finally got around one. And as the babe is hot naw **wink wink**, before long I had a string of willing participants. So, I looked into the faces and pegged one I think should be as calm and gentle as Mary’s lamb and connected with him. I don hammer! *dancing Brenda Fassie* Okay then, let’s do this. He sent his phone number and we started chatting.

Me: Hello

Him: Hi

Him: Can you send me a pic?

Me: I’d like to get to know you first. What’s your name?

Him: *Says his name*

Him: I don’t feel comfortable talking with someone I don’t recognise…you might be a crazy person.

No, he didn’t! *Rolling up sleeves ready to go all Cookie Lyon up his face*. But then stopped and told myself, chill, you don’t want to prove to him that you are indeed a crazy person so calm down. Give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is one of those gentlemen that put up I’m-a-jerk exterior. So I decided to let that slide and swallowed it after all, trouble was sitting down jejely minding his own business, na me go find trouble.

Me: Lol, I am indeed a crazy person *smiley emoticon*

Me: Until you meet me, you really can’t say you know me right?

Him: Until I see a pic, I really can’t say if I want to continue texting.

Me: That is understandable, take care of you.

….He must really believe I have 3 cats and my life is empty…hahahahaha, evoool laughter.

A little over 24 hours later…

Him: Hi…I just realised there is no need for you to send me a picture.

Him: I’m just so used to women playing games and not being sincere, my apologies. I will be the first to admit that I’m not perfect.

Me: ……

Maybe I’ll respond tomorrow sha but as of now, noppppe. What manner of man judges people by their picture? There are a bunch of scenarios here. 1: What if I sent a picture of me when I was 18? 2: What if I look like an angel but have winch that is flying skyscraper? Really, the fact that anyone, man or woman will be willing to base choices on looks just indicates that there is no depth to these things. In choosing a partner, for life or for present, I don’t think choosing solely based on appearance will get anyone far. If it’s about looks, no one in Hollywood should be getting divorced na. So no, no and no. I like to surround myself with people who are deep. More importantly, no lady should have to put up with crap just to get a date. Online or offline, every lady should be treated like one and as a girl, do not settle for less. Be so busy achieving stuff and doing things that make you happy that no man will be the source of your joy unless he has earned that position. FYI, most men know that the women in their lives are their lifelines, their support and without these women, they wouldn’t get far. And that is because that’s how God wired us when He created us. We are indispensable like that. So, just because it is taking a while to get a date isn’t to say you are not worth the respect, courtesy, pampering etc that comes with wooing a woman. If the dude is not ready to woo you properly, there is no point. Don’t sacrifice your happiness just to have someone in your life.

Anyways, that ended my online dating spree. Now I have gone and experienced it. In fairness, this is not to say that online dating is not good, in fact, from my experience, it appears like it is the way to go if you really want to get into dating. For me though, I’m going back to my offline dating. I am following that part of me that remembers my momma saying ‘Don’t talk to strangers’. Now I’m moving on to the next thing on this bucket list. Thanks for reading my ramblings to the very end, you totally rock!

Happy mother’s day!

photo credit: http://www.buzzfeed.com

Seeing through His eyes

Ever wondered what will happen if you shift you focus from the things you have been doing consistently for years now, to something totally different?

Once again Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son. She named him Judah for she said ‘Now I will praise the Lord’ Gen 29:35

The previous 3 sons Leah had, she kept hoping they will make her husband love her and she was naming them according to that focus. Unfortunately it just didn’t work as Jacob, the bad guy, had eyes for no one but beeaaauuuuuutiful Rachel. But by the time Leah had Judah, she shifted her focus and decided to just be grateful that she even had sons, she was not left alone, she was not without comfort. Her focus shifted from husband to the Lord. This son that signified this change in the life of this woman went on to become the strongest of the 12 tribes of Israel ( 1Chr 5:2) and the birth of our Jesus came from his lineage (Matt 1:3).

We get more, achieve more, become more when we stop chasing all those things we believe are important and instead focus on chasing the One who controls the universe. I keep wondering what made Kate Middleton so special that she was chosen by Prince William or what made Amal so special that she got George to settle in at over 50 years of age. Do you also ever wonder?

photo credit- mitchloder.com