3:5 – I charge you daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
So, we were at church, ready to head home but we had to wait for my sister who just wouldn’t finish up with her meetings (…rolling eyes..) and since she was my driver, I had to dutifully wait. While hanging around, my 5-year-old little girl was having a blast running all over the place. Then this little boy came along and kept tugging at her to play. At first she seemed to prefer to just do her thing but the boy was kinda persistent, pulling her braids, running after her and stuff.
At that moment, I was the proud mom, watching my baby do the diva thing!
But alas, since the boy wouldn’t be shaken off, they both started running all over the place together, crashing into each other, laughing really hard ( over what I simply couldn’t understand *scowling*) and they were actually having fun. At that point, I stopped being the proud mom and the mother hen spirit took over. Okay, this isn’t fun anymore, I don’t care how happy my daughter looks. When I could take it no more, I pulled my girl outside ( as gently as I possibly could, given the circumstances…I’m sure you can understand). As soon as we stepped out, I asked her the first question that popped into my head.
“Don’t you want boys to respect you?” To which she calmly answered “No”
What?! Okay. Calm down. Regroup.
So, I also calmly asked “Do you know the meaning of the word ‘respect’?
She tilted her head to a side and gave me this look that says ‘hmmm, lemme think about that for a second’ when in actual fact she has tuned me out and thinking ice cream. Okay, she doesn’t know the meaning of the word hence her answer. Phew!. I carried her to the ledge and put her on it, all the while thinking furiously, ‘Do I Iet this slide, is this the point where I do the ‘talk’, am I not supposed to wait till she’s at least 10? will it not be too late then, I mean she’s already interacting with boys now! She would love the fun, love the attention and who knows, if the boy stops giving it, what assurances do I have that she won’t go seeking it. I definitely do not want her growing up believing there are no boundaries. And if I don’t teach her now and she becomes accustomed to that way of life, will she listen when she becomes a teenager?Then I remembered that verse that expressly says ‘Do not awaken love’.
Okay then, let’s do part of the ‘talk’. I stood in front of her, made her very comfortable and tried to explain the word respect in terms of boys, why it is important to not be easy and make the boy work for your attention. After all, she just can’t run after any boy who comes along asking to play tag. I am not sure I did a good job of explaining because even though she kept nodding through my ramblings and answered my subsequent questions correctly, she would occasionally point to a flower and say ‘Mom look, that trunk is bent’ or give me that famous blank stare. Okay, she probably did not get me but I’m sure I planted the seed.
For as many as have been in love before or had sex before, they will all attest to the fact that you never want it to stop. Once one is over, you want to move on to another. That’s when the need for acceptance and the need to be loved becomes more important than life itself. It is easier for adults to handle this, but not teenagers who are basically controlled by hormones and zero common-sense. That’s why that woman in Songs of Solomon begged that love is not to be awakened or even stirred until love is ready. Cos once love is stirred, there is no going back. I believe these kids should be encouraged to enjoy childhood as much as possible, not rush into the crazy, hormonal years where life is meaningless if that crush doesn’t reciprocate their feelings. A lot of youngsters lose love for their parents, love for education and even love for self in the pursuit of love of the opposite sex. And we can only see the beginning, who knows what the end will be like.
I don’t think kids should be kissed too often by their parents especially on the mouth, I don’t think parents should be too busy to not be attentive to the changes in their kids, I don’t think we should watch these kids set themselves up for emotional disasters and say nothing in the name of ‘we love them too much to be firm’. I don’t think we should trust them too much that we cool it on the guidance. I don’t think kids should be given unmonitored internet access.
Playing hard-to-get is not just for the girl. It’s also for the guy. He gotta get sure if he wants the girl that much. The turn of time has taught us that girls that play it hard are dumb. Yeah maybe. But if this wasn’t the case, yeah maybe there will be more late marriages but maybe there will be less divorces too.