When I see headlines like ‘the biggest break ups in sports’ or in music or something similar, as born tatafo naw, I rush in with adrenaline pumping (or whatever hormone fuels my gossip itch) swiftly clicking on the link. Only to find the unexciting Ronaldo and Shayk break up. Duh! I would expect dramatic break ups with Shaggy’s type of it-wasn’t-me kinda drama before the baddass finish that culminates in somebori dumping another somebori. But no, all I get is ‘ooohh, they stopped having a good time’ or ‘they really just drifted apart’.
I feel duped by these media headlines that make me rush to click or feverishly buy magazines off the stands. The only reason some of those names made the list of ‘biggest break ups’ or list of biggest anything is because they are big names not because the break up was anything big.
Now, everyday people on the other hand, with everyday relationships going through real deals in life are the ones that should be on these lists. But alas, they won’t be simply because they are not ‘big names’. So I wonder, why do they say things like ‘media is you’, ‘media is everyone’ or media is everyday news about everyday people for everyday people’? Load of bull. They should go to the streets to talk to real people about their painful, dramatic break up.
Now let me give you my list of biggest break ups
PS: All fictitious. Or maybe not…
1. Ever since Damnika started dating Alex, she would often dream of his mother and it’s never in a nice, motherly way. One time, she dreamt that Alex’s mom came to her and told her that she knows Damnika doesn’t truly love her son and as she does not joke with any of her kids, if she ever hears that she steps out of line, she is going to personally handle her mess-up. She woke up with a start, only to find the woman at the foot of the bed calmly asking her ‘do you understand?’
2. Greg was a chronic womanizer and his wife will know after all, she stole him from his fiance and he married her instead. She was never surprised that he cheated on her besides, he was always careful to hide his infidelities in deference to her. One day, she came home to find him in bed with their adopted 14 year old son. Well, right there, naked in bed with the boy and all, he denied flatly that anything unsavory was happening. Well, how is she supposed to handle a womanizing gay pedophile or pedophile gay womanizer or whatever order you wanna put it.
3. The marriage of Kit and Kurt was the dream of any girl, even real life princesses. See, theirs was like the fairy tale movie ‘Pretty Woman’ and yea, the billionaire married the girl. But that’s where the fairy tale ended. The babe just couldn’t stop sharing it. Worse, she didn’t know how to hide it. Whenever the loving husband finds out and gives the normal husband-caught-wife-cheating reaction, the wife breaks down in tears begging him with all her soul that she just can’t help it, sometimes she even says she blanks out. Whatever that means. Anyways, by the husband’s third visit to the clinic to get treated for trichomoniasis, his doctor told him with his exposure to the STDs, he has a much higher chance of getting prostate cancer.
The guy kanle one time, you know, like the kind that happens in Tom and Jerry.
My point is that everyday people break up because of real issues. When I see headlines like ‘big break ups of 2015’, I expect to get real, serious issues that tells me life really happened to that couple, not ‘oh they just drifted apart’ or ‘a Kardashian broke up with a Humphries’ without giving us the public any depth to these stories. In short, when my gossip ears are perked up, I expect to be satisfied.