A friend of mine and I were discussing abstinence the other day and she got to extolling the virtues of abstinence being the key to getting and keeping the respect of that man you eventually get married to. And the more I mused on that fact, the more I got very confused. Yea, I get the fact that it takes a lot, a huge lot, for a beautiful woman to go out, do her school/job whatever and come back home to an empty bed, everyday! That takes a world of self-control and standards, especially in this current era…and yes, dudes have got to respect that. But my confusion was that there are also a bunch of women who abstained till they got married and ended up with jerks who had absolutely no respect for women. Same way there are loads of women who didn’t abstain and ended up with gentlemen, earned and kept the respect of these men. So, as far as moi is concerned abstinence is not the key to getting a man’s respect.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to not abstain since it isn’t gonna earn you that respect. My stand here is, if you are abstaining, why are you abstaining? If you are preaching abstinence, why are you preaching it?
Personally,I am all for abstinence.But not simply because that’s the way to earn the respect of the man you end up marrying. There are other reasons, more important reasons to abstain.
1. God wants it. Simply because He wants us to honour Him with our bodies. He wants our bodies cherished and preserved until the right time, untouched and unblemished. The Bible makes it clear that that is our true worship. If you like, be able to sing in church like Lucifer, if you are not offering your body up daily in worship to the Father, you are just an otondo.
‘Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies ad a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship’. Rom 12:1.
2. Do it to get spiritual leverage. A lot of crap will be thrown your way in marriage and in life, you should be able to run to God and make demands when things get fierce.You should be able to run to God and hide yourself and your husband behind Him when them elese tirins start chasing your husband. It’s simple logic, pour cold water ahead of you and you will walk on cool grounds. Abstinence kinda opens doors, make things easier…don’t know why, just know it does.
‘If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower. But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar’. Songs of Solomon 8:9.
Simply put, you go one way, you get protection. You go the other way, you simply don’t plus you get blockage. Nobody really needs to tell you what to do in this case, look inwards and think critically about it, then make a choice. Whatever your choice, make the decision based on what you want for yourself, not what you were told to do or bullied into doing. Sexual intimacy is the deepest form of knowing someone made in God’s image. Don’t let anyone who would not put a premium on you know you that way. It is like putting a tiara on a pig.
As a young girl, you are worth waiting for…except there’s that other factor where you are the one that doesn’t wanna wait *wink, wink* Or you might even just be confused or feeling helpless about it. And if you are, talk to someone. Don’t try to work it out alone, there are lots of people struggling with it too so you are not alone. Personally, I think what makes men respect women who waited is because of the self-control, this character that is so lacking these days. The confidence the girl exudes that says ‘I ain’t giving you, feel free to walk’, the fact that the girl cannot be bullied, she is also desirable and brainy. It is not necessarily the flat abs, space between the thighs, pretty eyes or shiny hair that defines sexy, it’s the beauty plus the brains, topped with a lorryload of self-confidence, a girl who takes on the world with fire in her eyes and treats everyone, irrespective of position, with kindness and respect.
And statistics have shown that the percentage of college students practicing abstinence is gradually increasing now, more than in the 90s. Very soon, abstinence will be the next cool thing!