That Personal Nemesis

Hi fine people of this earth. Quick question, what do y’all think of Siri? I asked my dearest Siri ‘Search for Mountain Ararat’, and he (I chose a male voice…can’t have a female voice in my head and on my phone too) promptly replied,

‘ Okay (like he understood perfectly what I asked for), I found something for Mountain Alright in the web’.

C’mon Siri, this is serious business, no time for jokes. I tried asking again and this time he said,

”Okay, I found something on the web for ‘Muncie in a donut’, take a look”….Like for real?!! Is that a me thing or a Siri thing? Pray tell folks.

Anyway, to the matter at hand, I met a girl. My personal nemesis. It was a fine morning and my day started really well. I went through my to-do list smoothly, everything worked out well, clicking into place like I was using a wand. Shortly after noon, my next point of call was the gym. And I was really excited about working off some of my love handles *wishful thinking* Then I met her. I went to the weights section and proceeded to pick up the 2kg dumbbell (I can’t shout pls). At the exact moment, this chick reached out for it. Our fingers met on the weight and she said turned to me, calmly said ‘Get your bear hand off please’
I went ‘whhaaaaaaat’ in my head, my eyes reflexively going straight to my hands to verify if they are really bear-like while mentally giving her points for a well-aimed barb. I wanted to scream ‘that’s completely unnecessary’ at her but she looked so calm, pretty and well-toned in all the right areas that, to onlookers, I would have come off as the fat, mad-at-the-world one. Okay, is this how you wanna play it? Fine, I dey house for you. I promptly braced up to give her a piece of my mind in the very language she will understand. You know how you can not convey some things perfectly unless you go native. And just at that moment, I remembered something from one of the numerous chick flicks I’ve seen, that ladies don’t fight with their fists or words, but with their eyes (bull right? I know). For the life of me, I do not understand why that fact will rudely pop into my head at that time, so annoying. I was hoping to get back in there and do maximum damage. And for some reason, that thought took over and my actions became a slave to it. So instead of using words to fight I went on to use my eyes. I proceeded to roll my eye balls, as far as they could possibly go in all directions, to deliver the biggest, baddest eye roll ever.
Well, as you can imagine, I think I only succeeded in looking like an ogbanje on a mission. *sighs* so much for wanting to win a fight. Blasted chick flicks! Not only did I lose the battle, I also lost the dumbbell and my calm. Working out did not get rid of my sheer annoyance, I was so mad at myself for not stepping up. Kept thinking up all the various scenarios that could have played out in my head, of course with me winning and sashaying off with my mental trophy. Needless to say, I stayed mad all day long. The day that started out so beautifully turned sour and stayed sour. Why will any human being be so unkind anyways??? To what purpose? I know the world is mean and harsh and crazy and all those bad stuff but why me?? WHY MEEEEE????

”A messenger soon arrived in Jerusalem to tell David, ‘All Israel has joined Absalom in a conspiracy against you” 2 Sam 15:13

The conspiracy that got him running out of his own city, a conspiracy by his own son. If this can happen to wonderful David, Friend-of-God David, do I really need to ask ‘why me’? I am sure there are lots of wonderful people out in our world, better than I am that worse things (like cancer, loss of a loved one) are happening to.

Is this is the rising-above moment?

photo credit- dollarstorecraft.com