I read this post on rape, some days ago and it got me thinking about the roles parents, mothers and fathers, have played or have to play in the lives of their daughters and sons who get raped. FYI, don’t be deceived into believing that it’s only girls that get raped. House helps and nannies molest sons too, they claim they are teaching them how to become men. *I have a feeling some dudes are nodding right now saying, oh yeah, that happened to me*
This post is mainly for mothers. I heard about a mom that beat up her daughter for getting raped. Like seriously!!! Talk about rubbing pepper into a wound. We all face various forms of abuse every day, from bus drivers/conductors, bosses, careless friends and the unfair world in general. And then there is transference of abuse, from one person to the next available target that can be easily bullied. There is a power play that is passed on from generation to generation. Mothers have to provide that buffer from all the abuse, potential or actual. It is our JOB to protect our children from being victimized. Let’s not wait till it happens, let’s prevent it.
“I couldn’t sleep all night, until the morning I was sitting above him looking at him. I was looking at him and I was thinking of what he had done to me and thinking about why he humiliates me and what can I do, what should I do. Every single event that happened is rolling in front of my eyes like a film and in the morning I took a gun and I shot him,” she is quoted as saying in Iranian newspaper Shargh Daily
She buried her husband in their backyard, and her family turned her into the police not long after.
For the past four years, Ebrahimi has awaited execution by hanging for her crime. Ebrahimi came close to the noose once before. In May 2013, on the day her execution was scheduled, she informed the prison guards that she had only been 17 at the time of her crime and they stopped the proceedings and brought her back to jail. Excerpt from The Daily Beast by Nina Strochlic, Friday June 20, 2014.
This is just one example of the diverse results of abuse. What roles do mothers play here? Here goes.
- Let’s teach our daughters they have premiums, they have a huge worth, they are extremely valuable and for those reasons, no one owns them and thus no one has any rights over their minds or their bodies.
- We need to teach them that it is perfectly okay to say ‘no’ if they want to. It is their right. And they must never allow anyone to make them think otherwise.
- They must know that their private parts are exactly that, private. Belongs to them and them alone, not to be shared with any uncle, daddy or friend. And we should not buy them clothes that say otherwise.
- We have to teach them (and show them) that when they get into trouble, the best place to run to is home. They must not bottle anything up, they must never hide anything.
- Most importantly, we must let them know, in practical terms, that we will never blame them or judge them for anything that happens to them. They will never lose our love no matter what.
- We must teach our sons that the female gender is not beneath them, subjects to be used, created to make their lives run smoothly.
- We have to teach our sons to respect women, to respect their sisters, to not boss them around. A lot of mothers tell the daughters ‘don’t you know he is the boy, you have to do it for him, get it for him, defer to him’ etc. That’s how we spoil them and set them up for disaster.
- We have to teach our sons to accept that WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO, IT MEANS NO. Even if the girl is his sister or his mom, in whatever context or situation, no means no.
- Let us teach our sons to be courteous, to open car doors, to help in the kitchen, to take responsibilities for their actions.
- No matter how busy we are, let us make time to have quality relationships with each of our children.
Time flies by so fast and we should not miss anything going on with them. It is our job to watch them like hawks. That power job and the fat bank account will mean nothing if we fail as parents.
Let’s face facts, our society does not exactly take rape seriously, the perpetrators are hardly ever brought to justice and the victims are often blamed for their experiences. It is left to us mothers to protect these little ones. Take up that bat and fight in your own little way, their scars are ours. It’s what we teach them now that they will take to adulthood.
And I say again, let’s raise our girls with self-esteem and our boys to be complete gentlemen.